Am I normal? Probably Not.

Well morning came way to damn early this morning but, I woke up feeling pretty good. I went for a long walk yesterday trying to get my body into some sort of shape. Having quit drinking and drugging has left me hungry as hell! lol I figure I got two choices: 1. Be thin and a junkie, or, 2. Be thick and clean:) I pick letter B. Being my first attempt at exercise my legs are killing me today. Anyway, I managed to roll my 7 yr. old outta the bed in time for the bus. (She is a vicious little diva in the morning) Then my cousin and I did her twice a month grocery shopping at Wally World. It still feels a little odd to me that I have such a "normal" and "mundane" life now. I get up at the same time, I clean the house, I go to church, I go to counseling, (one on one and I also attend "Celebrate Recovery"), I do homework with my daughter etc. Things that everyone else in this world takes for granted on a daily basis is a gift to me. I was asked a long time ago by a friend what I wanted outta my life. All I said was: "I wanna be normal."

Now pay attention when I tell you I am far from normal. LOL I have a "scene" haircut (if you don't know what that is Google it), I have my lip pierced, and I have seven tattoos. Most of which are very visible to the entire straight laced world, includeing a large one in the middle of my chest that touches the bottom of my neckline. I am sure that the majority of my shirts leave this area visible. I make sure that I wear what makes me comfortable and happy not what others may tip their hat in aggreance to. And apparently, now get this, I lack the capability to filter what is banging around in my head and what falls from my lips. I heard that today from my cousin and was like you know what, I have been told that a lot. Its not that I mean any harm, most of the time, I just believe that my mind is a little bit faster moving than my mouth. If I am thinking it 9 times outta 10 imma say it. Then if it does cross my mind that I mighta not said that out loud, I just figure oh well somebody needed to say it why not me. No filter? Yeah she probably is right;) But that is just me and I'm in the process of learning how to be ok with me so, I suppose I will just keep on trucking.  

 I guess for now I have as "normal" a life as I will ever have.

I wake up everyday to my daughter next to me (now when I DO have a significant other and am trying to have some fun with them, her being in bed with me becomes a little less wonderful!) I don't wake up hungover wondering who I punched or cussed out last night for the hundredth time. I'm not puking my guts up or going through withdraws from hell. I don't have to stress over where imma score my next line or bottle. I haven't craved dope or pills in weeks, but alcohol is still tempting me daily. I have so far been strong and all I can do is try to do it again tomorrow. My life is finally simple and you know what that's good with me.

Even though my outside does not "fit" with most peoples vision of what it should, I can say I am a CLEAN and PROUD mom!

Talk to you all tomorrow. Brandy.