Welcome to the Freak Show!

I was up half the night running opening lines through my head for this blog. I felt like a late night sitcom production writer. I finally feel asleep wondering how should I begin this story. Then just now I decided to  sit down and start typing. I mean, really, this is not a story it's my life. My screwed up, misplaced, wreck of a life.  That was my plan anyway to let people completely in to my life's ups and downs with full viewing pleasure, or not.  But know this, I will tell no lies, make nothing pretty, or cover up the truth in any form or fashion. If I have lived it I will put it into this blog. If for some reason, you are offended or can not handle the truth, you are of course welcome to quit reading. This is something that I feel I need to do to help heal my own life in a way that is not killing me. So buckle up and get ready for the ride and of course welcome to the show called "My Life!"

Yesterday I was watching the news with my cousin when a story caught my attention. It was of a man who was about to start his own blog on FB detailing his journey into sobriety. Thinking that might just be something that could tickle my fancy I was up and eager to learn more. (You will learn that my attention span is that of a three year old)  So I sat back down on the sofa and waited through what seemed like hours of commercials to try to lure me in with promises of this and that. Finally, the news resumed and I leaned in to learn more. Then came the let down. Always a damn let down. It was nothing more than a 1 or 2 minute story in which you were quickly told "This is ______'s story. (I left out his "fake" name.) And they followed that with, " _______ is not his real name." WTF! How am I supposed to relate to, learn from, feel compassion for, a man whom will not allow me to know his name nor see his face?! So yeah I got pissed. Nothing new for me. One of a list of issues I am working out in therapy. That night I was playing with my daughter when I figured what the hell. I've probably been through way more than shit than that dude ever could imagine, and he wont even show himself or let his name be spoken. Why can't I blog about my life? I need some form of release from the daily shit grind. I will let you know my name (Brandy) and my piccy is at the bottom of the page. Now I know he should be commended for offering us a peak into his world of drug addiction. I guess I am just eager to see if I can manage to be that strong or even stronger. Can I really listen to your comments about what I put on here? I dunno I guess we will find out.

I figure from now on I will write at least once a day. If nothing else I will put on my page "Bad day nothing to write." And you will see that I DO most definitely have VERY bad days. But the next day, so far, always seems to get better. I'll update on the events of that very day and if its in my heart to type it out then I will open up about my past. I know that I have to get out what my soul has been through, and work daily on getting over ALL of it. It will take time because ppl that I love will be reading this. But, once again if your not open to hearing this then you should most definitely stop now.  Well Imma stop here and go check into some paperwork I need to start back to school next month. Lets hope for the best and see if by this time tomorrow I have another notch on my Sobriety Belt! Brandy.