Realizations

Ok so I didn't post yesterday. I didn't fall off the wagon or nothing:) I was actually busy doing something fun that didn't include getting loaded. I was at my cousins house playing Yahtzee and watching the kids play some WII dance game. It was surprising to me how much fun I could have without being high or intoxicated.  That's kinda a sad realization isn't it? Well I guess that's part of learning and growing into a sober individual.

So I went to take my daughter to meet up with her father today. Of course I was half an hour late and if I really gave a shit bout what he thought I would have been bothered by this. But I'm not so I wasn't. Anyway, on the way to drop her off my daughter starts crying.  Now mind you Mini-Me is a Diva, but, she typically does not start crying, she just straight up tells me what is on her mind and walks off leaving me to stand jaw on floor:) She tells me that she no longer wants to spend the night with her father. You see this ex of mine, we shall call T., is an alcoholic. (What you didn't think I would have a man in my past that didn't have addictions did you????) He works his fingers to the bone as a welder/fitter never missing a day. But the minute he is off he goes directly across the street and gets booze for the ride home. Then typically buys more for the night. The weekends we are talking from Saturday around noon till Sunday night he goes through a couple of 30 packs. There is a lot of ghosts that lurk in T.'s closet and he is unwilling to open the door to clean it out. He would rather self medicate than deal with his Demons.  So back to Faith. She is very upset and tells me she is bored to death there with her father. She basically spends the entire weekend trying to find something to do with her time. When night time falls she is put to sleep on the sofa. Now if for some reason T.'s step sons have fallen asleep there first Faith is made to sleep on the floor! T. does not take her anywhere, and spends the day sitting at the table drinking, right in front of our 7 year old. Now we are both addicts and have this precious child that is just sitting back soaking up the things that are put before her. Here she sees her father continually drinking wtf is going through her little mind? Maybe not right now but when she is 13 or 16 will she think: well hell daddy does it why cant I? They have proven through science that these addictive personality that both I and her father possess are passed on to our children. I don't want my baby to suffer through the same life that I have chosen for myself. What kinda parent would wish that on their child? Needless to say I told T. that Faith would not be spending the night tonight. I offered no explanations I don't feel I have to. I was informed by T. several times over the past months that I AM a drunk, and he is no longer drinking. Now mind you when I was told this the last time he was so sloshed that I had trouble understanding him. He has also denied helping with clothes and such for Faith because right now "he has to take care of himself." He also threatened me with saying he would take me to court and receive custody of Faith. Now listen gentlemen, you DO NOT threaten a mother with taking her child. That is THE golden rule! Just don't do it. The night ended with my mother picking Faith up at 6 from T. to spend the night with her, my sister, and my son:) I know she will have tons of fun there with them. (Now I do know that she will be spoiled rotten and jacked on sugar before I reclaim her tomorrow) but that's ok too!

So I think I'm gonna go watch some TV and call some friends to see how their day has been. Tomorrow is going to be so exciting! I am going to church in the morning and then at 3 Faith and I will be attending my cousins churchs' Easter Egg Hunt. They have a staggering 15,000 eggs up for grabs! For my friends and family I will be posting piccys of her and her cousins on my FB page ASAP:)

I made it another day!!